Monday, June 24, 2013
Day 336 - Candy Crush Saga - Level 65
After reading Gian's Blog "Candy Crush helped me in my Process" ,
I realized that I was not looking at the point that was coming up in me, as I too have been stuck on this same level #65, for weeks now.
What I see is me wanting to give up because I believe it's just too hard. Yet, I did not apply this to myself, my process, as I see/realize that this is something that I do. When something becomes 'hard' I want to give up, looking for the easy way out, looking for the path of least resistance.
I see in this point, that I have spent a lifetime, walking the path of least resistance, training myself to 'go with the flow'. Telling myself that if its 'hard' it is not something I should be doing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the path of least resistance was the true reality to walk in this life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to give up when a situation becomes 'too hard'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for ways to get out of a 'hard' situation, always looking to make things easier for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a belief that this is as far as I can get, its too hard, where I see/realize that this in actuality is me in my process, as today, I became frustrated with myself for reacting to someone's words, and then berating myself for not being further along in my process that I should be able to direct myself, and breathe, and remain stable, instead I accepted and allowed myself to first of all react and then secondly to judge myself, followed by me feeling 'its hopeless' I will never become stable, I still exist within and as my mind, wanting to give up.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that everything I do, everything that is presented to me, is me, showing me what I accept and allow within and as myself, and thus I can change, as I can move myself in that moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up on myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly look for the easy way out, which is always accompanied with a heavy, tiredness that I will give in to, instead of breathing through this mind possession, thus stopping participation in this pattern.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly believe that my process will get easier, so that when resistance comes up within me or when I react emotionally, I beat myself up, for not 'acting' the way I 'think' I should be responding to life, where I see/realize that all I can do is direct myself as every moment, as the breath, for thinking that I 'should respond' a certain way, is me participating within and as the mind.
When and as I see myself wanting to give up on a situation, because I believe it to be too hard, I will realistically look at the situation, assess whether I have done everything that can be done, and thus directing myself accordingly.
I commit myself to slow myself down and breathe in self-awareness when presented with a situation that I want to give up on, as I see/realize that everything is me, and that giving up is me giving up on me.