Thursday, February 25, 2016
So, as I wrote in my blog, Holding Ourselves Accountable, I have been studying the facts surrounding vaccines, which is really part of this whole world system which is in place.
I have come to realize the extent of damage/injury in practically everyone I meet, from the subtle to the extreme.
In my own family my grandson is diagnosed as Borderline Autistic/ADHD/Speech delay/Hearing Loss. He is almost 10 and is in Special Ed. He was injected with the initial Vitamin K shot and then was given his first vaccines which made him so sick he turned green. He exhibits the 'vaccine glaze', an unfocused gaze, unable to make long eye contact. He is unable to talk in paragraphs, instead phrasing, repeating, asking the same questions over and over, asking questions he knows the answers to.
So, through this silent epidemic, there is more and more sharing of information as to symptoms along with solutions that others have incorporated in their lives to help their children, parents, themselves.
What I'm also discovering is the damage in my son who is 36. He also had the Vitamin K shot, which in hindsight, I see caused damage, which was dismissed as something else, which I accepted at that time. However, after he had his first vaccine and became sick we stopped all vaccines.
However, the damage had been done. He too, always had a fuzzy look about his eyes, which I now know is the 'vaccine glaze'. He always struggled in school and throughout his life and we never attributed it to his brain/body being attacked as an infant.
Through this all there has been blame and regret that has come up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to blame myself for not having figured it out sooner, that through my unseeing I participated in creating more stress for my son and also not realizing the extent of my grandson's injury, not coming up with solutions sooner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel anxious within myself that 'why didn't I see this' 'it was right in front of me'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look back over my son's history, while blaming myself and regretting not taking action sooner, now feeling pressured to make up for loss time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience an anguish, feeling a constriction within my chest/throat/solar plexus holding my breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed with information.
And as such,
I commit myself to when and as I'm experiencing blame towards myself and others as myself because of regretting past decisions, I stop and I breathe, I instead look at these memories, not taking it personally, and write down the symptoms and events to create a document of the injuries and the continued consequences.
I commit myself to when and as I'm experiencing feeling overwhelmed, I stop and I breathe, I identify what I'm experiencing, seeing that it is the mind's creation, and thus directing myself in that moment to slow down and ground myself here in the physical, taking physical actions, ie., writing down what needs to be done and then taking the steps to integrate here.
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Saturday, January 2, 2016
My process through Desteni started in 2009. I have written extensively on who/what I 'thought' I was before I started process. In that, I considered myself to be a loving, positive person, thus raising my children 'in love'.
So, my children were 28 and 29 when I first started process. Now, at first, coming across the information through Desteni that exposed the 'lie' I was living, I experienced a complete breakdown of my belief system. Where I actually spent a considerable amount of time in tears.
My children, witnessing this were the most effected as they were the ones that were raised by this 'love and light persona' that I had believed was real.
So in the first few years, as I was newly walking my process, both of my children wanted nothing to do with what I was undertaking, as their first encounter with Desteni was through witnessing me in a state of distress. So they labeled it as 'negative, dark', and something they wanted no part of, where my daughter actually expressed, "I feel like I've lost my mother".
Now, I've written in previous blogs, that through the years, and as I started changing and becoming more stable, my daughter started opening up to the value of process and with that slowly started incorporating using the breath, identifying characters/patterns/programming and when faced with making decisions, considering what was best for all. We also became close again.
And now, this past year, my son, who has been quiet about this for these past years, has opened up to me about his initial experience back in 2009 and how it was very hard for him as he had taken all the 'beliefs' that I had raised him in and incorporated it and he really didn't know what to make of this new turn of events, so he basically kept quiet.
However, again, through seeing me change, becoming more stable and now 6 years into walking process being able to expand and express myself, he not only sees the value in process but has/is slowly incorporated it within himself, to which I was quite surprised at his level of understanding.
One of the great things of walking process with your children is they know all your characters/patterning. So, when I'm with either one of them, they both, will respond to my 'silent backchat'! Which is really cool, because they will call me out! And not only that, but when a 'character' pops up they immediately recognize and identify it! They also stop me if I start 'preaching' about process, which supports me immensely!
Not only have we developed a close relationship again, but we are able to support each other when facing our programming, assisting each other in facing these points that come up and need direction.
It is really cool when I talk with them and they will be explaining a situation in their lives and how their approach to the solution is much more practical and stabilizing for themselves and others.
So a lot has changed between us and for us in these 6 years. It has/is been a process. One step at a time, breath by breath!
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
For the past month I have been posting/sharing information that I have become aware of on my facebook page and through twitter regarding vaccines. From information in what is in them to the dramatic increase in the actual vaccine schedule for children, also reporting on the countless cases of children and adults who have been injured/damaged and died due to these toxic cocktails being introduced into their systems. I have shared information from 'whistleblowers' and the recent 'suspicious' deaths of doctors who have spoken out, along with their documentations.
I have also shared information on vaccines themselves and their origin.
The moment a child is born they are immediately injected with a substance which causes 'stress' upon their physical body, the beginning of their poisoning.
What are vaccines showing us? What do they and this system represent as a projection of ourselves?
From the moment we are born, a system is put into place, a mind-construct system, that consists of thoughts, feelings, emotions that poisons our bodies, just as a vaccination does yet we are oblivious to this, believing that we are our thoughts, feelings and emotions, sort of like the same way we 'believe' in what we have been told from medical/pharmaceutical industries.
The point I'm making here is that in order to create a solution we must first look to ourselves as to what we have accepted and allowed, not in judgment or blame, but in standing up and taking responsibility for what we see 'out' there and understanding that there is no 'out' there and that we are all equally responsible, and that being said, responsibility creates change through action. Yet how do we go about creating these changes?
How do we create a change within ourselves to effect a change within this world? Where do we start? We start with ourselves.
I am not placing a 'simplistic' point of view here, as concerned/frightened parents are looking for solutions now as there have been laws put into place that require immediate attention, and that being said, I do not have the immediate solutions, only the necessary steps needed to take to create the solutions.
I have recently had a huge 'aha' moment, so to speak, realizing that walking out of the mind-construct system is only part of the solution, that in fact, there is a world system that has also been put into place and thus must equally be walked with just as much specificity as the mind-construct process.
As we look around this world, everything is intensifying in every sector. It's time to ask the hard questions and take action, realizing that it is up to each one of us individually yet we must come together collectively, as we are destroying/poisoning the very life that supports us.
After all, we are all Life.
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Tuesday, June 23, 2015
There is a very supportive EQAFE series on Homesickness that I will post here.
I have been facing/investigating this point for some time now, where I would feel homesick, not for people, but more for a place, the forest, the mountains, when seeing pictures of same, I would still have a feeling of homesickness/nostalgia come up.
I discovered several points in listening to this series. First of all my homesickness was not in relation to people but to a place where I used to live, on the East Coast in the U.S., in the mountains of California. When I would see a setting in a movie and/or pictures of forests, mountains, there was still that longing to return there.
Through walking my process with Desteni, I have applied self-forgiveness/self-correction applications when and as this 'feeling' came up. I would use my breath to slow myself down, yet there was still something I was missing in my application.
Upon listening to this series, I realized that I was still resisting this 'feeling' that came up, instead of directing myself Here, and then looking around at where I am now, where I live now, asking myself how fully engaged am I in my life Here? What do I enjoy about where I live now? Why am I here?
Do I want to go back and live in the mountains? Do I want to live on the east coast?
So, what I did was use my imagination constructively, picturing myself living where I used to live in the mountains, living on the east coast, and what I realized was that I was where I wanted to be, right here. I also realized that this did not have to diminish my enjoyment of spending time in the forests and/or mountains, nor did I have to lock myself into nostalgia/homesickness, which is a pattern/program of the mind, thus missing the opportunity to fully engage in my present life, thus giving myself the opportunity to create my Life Here where I am!
I highly recommend this series and for that matter any and all EQAFE recordings as one is presented with valuable insight/information, plus practical applications that when applied are highly assisting and supporting to change patterns/programming within oneself.
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Tuesday, May 5, 2015
I recently had an interesting encounter that I would like to share. As I've stated in many other blogs, I am a caregiver and assist a 90 year old woman that lives in a semi-assisted/fully assisted/independent senior community.
My client has recently gone through a plethora of medical issues these past few months, and as I was leaving her place one of her friends stopped and asked me how she was doing.
I explained what my client's symptoms were at the moment and the response I received from this woman greatly assisted and supported ME.
Her response was 'at our age things don't get fixed they get different', and as she was talking I became aware of how calm and stable and accepting she was, and in that moment I was able to see that I wasn't! I was sort of holding my breath and definitely engaged in energy.
So, as the woman stood before me, I was able to take a step back within myself, breathe and slow myself down, and stabilize myself as she was standing as a pillar of support.
When we take the time to stop and share ourselves and really listen, really look into the eyes of another, it becomes very apparent that we all have so much we can learn, give/receive, support and be supported by one another in our daily lives. It's Just That Simple.
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Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Yesterday I went to talk with my neighbor. I have been more active in my apartment and wanted to make sure I was not bothering her as she lives below me.
So, an interesting thing happened while talking to her. After asking her if she could hear me more and if it was bothering her, I see/realize/understand that I had expected/anticipated her to answer in a certain way. When she answered differently, I found myself 'trying' to manipulate the situation/her response to actualize what I 'thought' she should say.
As, I became aware of what I was doing, where I was actually talking 'at her' instead of 'to her'. I immediately breathed and slowed down within myself. I then stopped talking and really looked at her and listened to what she had to say. So my actions showed me that I had a 'hidden agenda' and that my 'good will' was really just a cover-up for self-interest/self-validation, from a starting point of 'seeing' myself as the 'good neighbor', looking for approval outside of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'pride' myself on being a good neighbor, coming from a starting point of a positive energy mind experience, instead of seeing/realizing that being a good neighbor is not an experience of the mind, requiring positive feedback, but an actual, physical expression of doing what is best for all in every moment, breathing, being present, so as to take into consideration all aspects of one's physical surroundings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and manipulate a conversation to reach an imaginary conclusion that I had created in my mind before I even had the conversation in real time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not really listen to another, but, in fact, talk 'at' someone, instead of 'to' someone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within myself when I did not receive the response I was looking for, not realizing that I actually had a 'hidden agenda' before I ever started this conversation and that I reacted because I was coming from a starting point of self-interest, looking for approval outside of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to come across as being considerate and a good neighbor, yet I see/realize/understand that living those qualities are such that I can ask myself, that I can check for myself and that I do not need validation/acceptance from another, as that must come from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, while talking with my neighbor, tense up when not given the response I was expecting, actually seeing that I was holding my breath in anticipation of what I 'thought' she would say, thus feeling tense when her words were not the words I had envisioned in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look within myself before starting a conversation, making sure there was no movement within me and that my starting point was clear and I was stable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead anticipate a sort of lift within myself, when being validated for my 'good neighbor' intentions, as sort of a pat on the back from another in separation of myself and another as myself, instead of looking at the situation myself, making sure that I was doing everything physically possible to be considerate of another thereby not seeking a positive energy fix for my mind.
When and as I see myself experiencing myself as the 'good neighbor', thus in separation of myself, seeking approval outside of myself, I stop and I breathe, I bring myself back here, in real time, to myself, attending to the immediate task at hand, in specificity, calm and stable, supporting myself and thus supporting others as myself.
When and as I am seeking to have a conversation with another, I stop and I breathe, I look inside myself and make sure that I am clear and stable, thereby not trying to manipulate the conversation to an imagined outcome, just being present, communicating with another in real time, really listening to another, making eye contact, sharing of myself and accepting and allowing another to share themselves, their words, their point of view.
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Friday, March 27, 2015
My work life has drastically changed over these past weeks. That which I had established to create order in my client's life has all changed due to her recent condition which has rendered this 'planned order' null and void.
What I am faced with is the unexpected. In other words, I did not see this coming. I had 'in my mind', established a 'planned order' to my client's life, making sure that every detail of her life was attended to, affording her the best quality of life at her current age and physical/mental capacity, and in fact, she had been given a clean bill of health from her doctors, she was actually in a 'good place' before this recent turn of physical/mental events which ended up changing her life at this time.
As I stated in my last blog, she became physically ill which then spiraled into a mental relapse that I have not witnessed since nine years ago when I first came on this case when she was in this 'mental state'.
So, she is now hospitalized and being treated.
Facing the unexpected has definitely brought up points/patterns, to which I have had the tools of Desteni to stabilize myself, to observe myself, to see what I can do, here in the physical, to assist and support myself, my client, the family, and others assisting and supporting her in numerous capacities.
What I see/realize/understand is that one can definitely plan and organize day to day life for oneself and/or another, however, uncertainty is a fact, as one never knows what lays ahead. All we can do for ourselves and those we assist and support is to do what we can, taking responsibility for our immediate action/reaction. Therefore, when the unexpected happens, which it will, in some form or another, we have a stable platform, we have that order in the physical, and thus can stop and breathe, look at what comes up within ourselves and immediately direct ourselves in real time to assist and support ourselves and others as ourselves to stand constant and stable as a pillar of support, because even though we may not know what will happen, we can know ourselves, we can direct ourselves.
Our Journey to Life is always a Journey into the Unknown..
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