Saturday, December 13, 2014

Day 585 - The Color Black - Part 4


Continuing from Days Days 582, 583, 584

When and as I see myself reacting positively to the color black, wanting to identify it with qualities that are sleek, slimming, I stop and I breathe, I slow myself down and in that moment I look at the color, in that context, as I see/realize/understand that by qualifying black as these attributes I am placing the color black outside of myself, having a separate relationship with it, having a mind perception of the color black, instead of standing one and equal with the qualities within myself, thus just seeing the color black as what it is, a physical color.

When and as I see myself reacting negatively to 'Goth' attire, thus judging/identifying those that wear this attire negatively, I stop and I breathe, as I see/realize/understand that wearing a specific attire, dressed in black, does not in any way mean that those individuals encompass these attributes, these stereo-typical attributes, as I see/realize/understand that I am making a judgment, standing in separation of others, as myself, as I see/realize/understand that I really do not know them and am judging them strictly from this starting point.

Thus, I commit myself to see others, dressed in black, as just that.

When and as I see myself reacting positively, referencing memories of childhood, when observing images of black wrought-iron, I stop and I breathe, I place myself here, observing this particular architecture, as I see/realize/understand that I can enjoy the very physical architecture itself, as I do not accept or allow it to trigger memories that I then participate in, energetically, separating myself from that which is here in the physical, right in front of me.

 When and as I am presented with a sky of dark rain clouds, I stop and I breathe, I do not accept or allow myself to judge the clouds/sky as ominous, instead realizing that dark clouds, are simply that, clouds that are filled with moisture, representational of rain/storms, here in the physical.

When and as I see myself reacting negatively to the color black that I have qualified as representational of death and mourning, accepting and allowing myself to thus experience a sad, somber-feeling within myself, I stop and I breathe, and in that moment, I look at that color in the context that I have judged it negatively, letting go of judgments I have made within and as the mind, and just view the color black as just that, a physical color of black, not accepting or allowing myself to reference memories and/or imaginings that perpetuate this identification with the color black.

I have realized by opening up this point, that I can breathe and slow myself down when looking/observing the color black around me, not reacting to it, just being here equal and one with, and as such

I commit myself to not separate myself from the color black by reacting to it, but standing one and equal to it, as it, as I see/realize/understand that by having an experience of the color black I am not accepting or allowing myself to stand as the qualities that I have placed in separation of myself as the color black.

I commit myself to continue to investigate/open up my relationship with colors...

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Saturday, December 6, 2014

Day 584 - The Color Black - Part 3


Continuing from Days 582, 583

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, for many years, be afraid of the dark, when I was younger, as a child, being afraid of the 'boogey man', and as the years went on just giving into that 'scary feeling' that something/someone was going to get me and during my 'spiritual' years believing that I was able to feel spirits around me, especially at night, which would actually unsettle me, sort of scare me, when, in fact, I see/realize/understand that I was participating in my own imaginings within my own mind, within my own imagination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always consider/identify/judge myself as being a 'cat' person, and as a young woman having a preference for black cats in particular, 'believing' that I had a special connection with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/identify a boy/man wearing a black leather jacket as cool, rebellious, a bad-boy, where I actually was 'attracted' to that kind of boy/man who dressed in black, wearing black leather, as I see/realize/understand that I was 'attracted' to an idea/belief, thereby never really knowing who they were, only reacting/responding to their outside appearance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the term black-hearted when describing someone who is evil, cold, unfeeling, as I see/realize/understand that I am standing in separation of myself and another as myself, who is projecting in front of me that which I do not want to look at within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embrace the belief of  black as representational of the west of the medicine wheel in native American teachings, defining it to be the color of woman, the womb, the void, where one is rebirthed, as I see/realize/understand that to rebirth oneself it must happen here within and as one's own physical body, not in a spiritual dimension.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to also embrace the belief of native American teachings that black crows represented shape-shifting and black ravens represented magic instead of seeing them for what they are physical birds in a physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, as a young woman, to dye my hair black as I believed it would make me look more exotic and sexy, and yet

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another who dresses in all black, dyes their hair black, wears heavy black makeup/nail polish, as Goth and as such I judge them as being unattractive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a preference for black wrought iron fences and lampposts that remind me of houses/buildings/parks on the east coast and Midwest where black wrought iron is very prevalent,  experiencing a nostalgic feeling within myself, as this style of architecture is not very prevalent on the west coast in which I judge this architecture as superior to the architecture surrounding me.

To be continued....

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Friday, December 5, 2014

Day 583 - The Color Black - Part 2


Continuing from Day 582 - Paint it Black
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/judge the color black as a representation of evil, spooky, scary due to referencing memories of movies, media that used the color black in scenes that were depicted as evil, spooky, scary, thus accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the color black as a physical color, instead 'seeing' it as something outside of myself, a color that was representational of something to fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/judge the black clothing as sleek and slimming due to referencing fashion magazines, media that stated that the color black, when worn, created a slimming effect, thus accepting and allowing myself to believe this as a fact, instead of realizing that the color black, when worn, is just that a physical color.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/judge the color black as sexy, as in sexy black lingerie, due to referencing memories of movies/media/printed material that depicted black lingerie as sexy, believing, at one time, that wearing black lingerie made me sexy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when hearing the song Paint it Black to reference a memory of myself as a teenager, re-experiencing myself in that moment, as I see/realize/understand that all I am doing is leaving the here moment, just listening to the song, the lyrics, instead separating myself from myself, going into an alternate reality, that in all actuality does not exist accept in my imagination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, when listening to the song Black Magic Woman, where for years, when hearing this song, I used to picture myself as a gypsy woman, believing that I was this woman in a past life, and that was why I was 'connecting' to this song, as I see/realize/understand that all I was really doing was going into my imagination.

I forgive  myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/judge the color black as representational of death and mourning, referencing memories and images through the media of people dressed in black when in mourning, when attending a funeral, thus participating within and as a somber feeling of sadness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'like' the rain, yet participate within backchat 'that looks ominous' when looking at a sky filled will dark storm/rain clouds, referencing memories of thunder storms where the sky would get very dark then streak with lightning and the sound of the crashing thunder would always create a nervous tension within me, as I was not really scared of thunder and lightning as a child, but would still react within myself, when in fact, I see/realize/understand the darker the clouds the more moisture they held.


To be continued....


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Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Day 582 - Paint it Black


Continuing from Days 563, 566, 567, 568, 569, 570, 572, 573, 574, 577, 578, 579..

I will, in this post, open up/investigate my relationship with the color black.

Supportive EQAFE interviews:

https://eqafe.com/p/colour-resonance-journeys-into-the-afterlife-part-67
 https://eqafe.com/p/how-you-see-colours-the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-part-47 

First of all, whenever I open up/investigate a color, invariably songs come up.

The first song that comes up is Paint It Black by the Rolling Stones, which is connected to a memory of a high school dance, where I am with two of my girlfriends, the song is playing, we want a boy to ask us to dance, to which, a boy comes up, walks past the three of us, where I'm saying to myself, 'pick me, pick me,' to where he comes back and chooses my girlfriend and I'm deflated. I also imagine a red door turning black.

The other song that comes up is Black Magic Woman by Santana.  I remember when it came out and I wanted to be 'bad', I wanted to be a black magic woman that could caste a spell on men.

I have defined the color black as representative of death and decay, of evil, something scary, spooky.

When I embraced Native American Teachings, I then identified the color black as representative of the west of the medicine wheel, the color of woman, the womb, the void where one rebirths themselves.

Continuing with the Native American Teachings, I identified black crows as representative of shape-shifting, and black ravens as bearers of magic.

I identified black with mourning, imagining women in 'widow's weeds'.

I would describe someone as 'black-hearted' who I judged as evil.

When I was younger, I had a preference for black cats, as I already had a preference for cats in general, yet black cats were my favorite.

I viewed guys that wore black leather jackets as cool, rebellious, bad boys (when I was younger).

My natural color hair is brown with red highlights, yet in my early 20's I wanted/favored being raven-haired, to which I dyed my hair black for a couple of reasons, first of all I thought it would make me look more sexy and exotic looking and second of all I identified with Scarlett O'Hara who had black hair, a character in one of my favorite books at the time, wanting to be just like her.

Yet, I do not like the Goth Look, where I see/realize that I have judged this look as unattractive, kind of spooky looking.

In architecture, I really like black wrought iron which is very prevalent on the east coast and Midwest where I grew up, as in black wrought iron fences and black wrought iron lamp posts, that when I look at them there's a sort of nostalgic feeling that arises within me.

To be continued...

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Friday, November 21, 2014

Day 580 - Investing in Myself


In my recent blogs, Days 563, 566, 567, 568, 569, 570, 572, 573, 574, 577, 578, 579, I have been investigating my emotional reactions/relationship with colors.

First of all I would just like to say that I was not aware of this specific connection with colors to feelings and emotions until I invested in these audio recordings...

https://eqafe.com/p/colour-resonance-journeys-into-the-afterlife-part-67
 https://eqafe.com/p/how-you-see-colours-the-metaphysical-secrets-of-imagination-part-47  

As I have been opening up and investigating this within myself and writing about it, I have been very surprised in how extensive my reactions/relationship to colors is/was in my life, where I have literally made life changes based on my relationship to certain colors.

So, another point has opened up as I have been investigating this color point, which is I started to participate in backchat within myself, 'oh this is taking longer than I 'thought' and then 'wanting' to be done with this point, 'wanting' to rush through it, 'thinking' it's going too slow.

 I went back to the EQAFE store and invested in this audio recording which addressed this very point that I was now facing.

"Can't This Go Any Faster" https://eqafe.com/p/can-t-this-go-any-faster-reptilians-part-339

So in listening to this recording I could see what I was, in fact, participating in and doing to myself and that I was accepting and allowing my consciousness to diminish me and the process I was walking in investigating myself and my relationship with color.

In this recording were pertinent questions that I was presented with to ask myself so as to uncover what, in fact, I was participating in, so I could investigate further and then given practical solutions to apply.

I highly recommend investing in this recording as it addresses this point of moving too fast which keeps you from remembering who you are in the moment within the breath, because reaching one's utmost potential starts here within the 'small'.

So, stay tuned as I will in my next blog continue with my color series...

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Saturday, November 15, 2014

Day 579 - The Color White - Part 3


Continuing from Days 577, 578

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an aversion to men's white shoes, especially if coupled with suits and/or leisure suits especially of around the 70's, finding myself actually cringing within myself, participating in backchat 'ewww, how ugly!'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge pale white skin with a gray undertone as unhealthy, pasty, as I see/realize/understand that this color skin could indicate a health issue, yet I do not accept or allow myself to react negatively when viewing this condition as this serves no practical purpose, and only creates separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold in high esteem skin that I consider/judge/identify as porcelain white, where the lips and cheeks are a natural reddish color, judging this as enviable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a preference for white Victorian houses with black shutters that were very prevalent where I grew up, and feeling very disappointed when moving out to the west coast and discovering that my favorite style and color home was not here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when faced with an image of, say, the Arctic, to feel a fear and dread within myself, while witnessing a white landscape that I judge as harsh, stark, inhabitable, inhospitable, participating in backchat 'I never want to be there!'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe for many years in the power of the White Light.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to visualize and invoke the White Light on a daily basis for many years, counseling others, including my children to visualize and invoke the White Light, believing it to be able to raise one's vibration, and that in essence believing it to be more real than my own physical body and the physical earth itself.

When and as I see myself reacting positively to the color white, wanting to identify it with qualities that are bright, light, airy, clean, soothing, healing, I stop and I breathe, I slow myself down and in that moment I look at the color, I look at what is right here before me, seeing the color white for what it is, a physical color that is here on this earth, and as such

I commit myself to not separate myself from the color white by reacting to it, but standing one and equal to it, as it, as I see/realize/understand that by having an experience of the color white I am not accepting or allowing myself to stand as the qualities that I have placed in separation of myself as the color white.

When and as I see myself recoiling in aversion to the color white that I have qualified as 'not liking', I stop and I breathe, and in that moment, I look at that color in the context that I have judged it negatively, letting go of judgments I have made within and as the mind, and just view the color white as just that, a physical color of white.

I have realized by opening up this point, that I can breathe and slow myself down when looking/observing the color white around me, not reacting to it, just being here equal and one with it.

And, through walking process all these years, I have effectively released myself from the belief of the White Light, as I see/realize/understand that Life is Here in the Physical.

 I commit myself to continue investigating my relationship with colors..


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Thursday, November 13, 2014

Day 578 - The Color White - Part 2


Continuing from Day 577 - My Relationship with the Color White

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a picture in my imagination when I hear the song "Nights in White Satin", that I have reinforced for years, every time hearing the song, picturing the same image of a bedroom, night time, full moon, white bedding, white full-length gauzy curtains, billowing in the breeze from the open door, accompanied with a feeling of longing, aching for a lost love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a picture in my imagination when hearing the song "White Christmas" of first of all, always picturing Bing Crosby, then my mind envisions a scene out of Currier and Ives print of a horse drawn sleigh, a couple wrapped up, cozy in blankets, warm winter wear, snow-laden hillside, quaint town with Victorian homes, accompanied with a feeling of nostalgia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always picture snow when 'thinking' of Christmas, remembering many snowy Christmases, having a preference for snow at Christmas, which was/is also reinforced by movies depicting snow at Christmas time. also accompanied with a feeling of nostalgia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it really doesn't 'feel' like Christmas without snow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify/judge the color white as a symbol of purity and goodness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to have a preference for white kitchens, participating within and as backchat 'it just looks cleaner, more open, airy', to which when I recently walked into an apartment that had white cabinets I immediately felt a lift, and disappointed that my kitchen didn't have white cabinets as I found it more pleasing to my eye than my cabinets which are natural wood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prefer soft white walls in a home where I can then add accents of color, finding white walls cleaner, soothing, bright, light and airy thus having an emotional experience in connection to the color white on walls.

Yet, I do not like white carpeting, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike white carpeting,  judging it as too hard to keep clean, too high-maintenance, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike a room that is all white with no color accents, judging it to be too stark, sterile, cold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify white with brides and bridal gowns, yet actually personally disliking white bridal gowns judging them to depict a mind-set, a main-stream ideology that I never believed in, always shunned and rebelled against.

More Self-forgiveness to follow....


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